Interacting with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can be challenging and emotionally draining. As therapists, we often encounter clients who struggle with the impact of a narcissistic individual in their lives, whether it’s a partner who always puts their needs before others, a family member who doesn’t care about other people’s feelings, or a colleague who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance. No matter who you are dealing with, here are five key strategies that may be helpful when managing interactions with those individuals.
1. Don’t Try to Change Them
One of the most important things to remember when dealing with someone who has NPD is that you cannot change them. Narcissistic traits are deeply ingrained, and most people do not see them as a mental health condition. Most of the time, the symptoms work for them. Due to a lack of insight into the condition and a lack of desire to change, attempts to alter their behavior or personality are likely to lead to conflicts, and even attacks. Instead, focus on managing your own responses and setting realistic expectations.
2. Establish Solid Boundaries
Setting and maintaining solid boundaries is crucial when dealing with someone who has NPD. Be clear about what you will and will not tolerate and try to communicate these boundaries clearly. Consistently enforcing boundaries protects against emotional harm and reinforces your sense of control and autonomy in the relationship. Someone with NPD will likely test your boundaries repeatedly, so be prepared to reinforce them again and again. If you consistently reinforce your boundaries, they will eventually understand how they should interact with you.
3. Keep Records
Keeping detailed records of interactions with a narcissistic person can be invaluable. Document conversations and agreements in writing or with voice recordings. These records can provide clarity and evidence if disputes arise and serve as a reminder of what actually occurred. Having concrete information can also help you maintain a sense of reality and protect yourself from gaslighting.
4. Remain Calm and Use Short Answers
Narcissistic individuals often thrive on drama and emotional reactions, which can escalate conflicts. When interacting with someone who suffers from NPD, try to remain calm and composed during conversations. Using short, direct answers can help prevent misunderstandings and keep conversations from spiraling out of control. This approach not only reduces the emotional toll on you but also minimizes the narcissistic individual’s ability to manipulate or provoke.
5. Don’t Let Their Words Shape Your Self-View
People with NPD often use criticism and belittlement as a way to exert control and boost their own ego. It’s helpful to remember that the narcissistic person’s words are not trustworthy, and it’s not an accurate representation of reality. It’s important to understand that the words and opinions of a narcissistic person are not an accurate reflection of your worth or abilities.
Conclusion
Dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder requires patience, understanding, and strategic approaches. By focusing on these five key strategies—accepting that you cannot change the person, remaining calm, keeping records, establishing boundaries, and maintaining self-definition—you can protect your well-being and navigate your interactions more effectively.